Over the past 14 months of motherhood, I've learned a lot about a lot of things. Frankly, things I didn't even know I needed to know, and things that I didn't necessary want to know. But, there have also been some things that have been really fun to learn and realize. I have to say one of the greatest realizations that I am constantly struck with is the Fatherhood of God. I have been reminded so many times of His role as "Father" in my life as I make a feeble and often lacking attempt to be a parent to Laurel. Over the past 3 days, I have been yet again reminded of this as we have embarked on quite possibly our greatest (definitely our loudest) battle yet...the breaking of the pacifier.
I remember the first fews days with Laurel in the hospital. Little Bit wanted nothing to do with the green pacifier everyone gets at the hospital. I of course had heard the cries of "don't let your baby have the terrible pacifier...she will never want to nurse" from everyone, but at 3 AM when she had already been crying for two hours and I was alone in a hospital room, I could have really cared less what anyone had to say. I could've kissed the nurse that got her to take one. I so remember just asking her in shock "how in the world did you do that?"
She hasn't been over the top about her pacifier, and in fact, she hasn't used it except for sleeping in months. But, it has definitely been her best friend to sleep. So, at her 1 year doctor's appointment, when her doctor said "get rid of her pacifier by 15 months", my stomach hit the floor. I knew these days wouldn't be pretty. But, I told myself that we would be obedient to the pediatrician for once and get rid of it. In fact, we'd do it a month early so I could be the good mom that could easily say at the 15 month appointment "we've been rid of that thing for SO long"(aka...days now). And that brings us to this week....the beginning of April...one more month until the 15 month appointment. I had decided to take Thursday off from work to make up for some missed days off while mission teams were in, and I figured it was as good of time as any to throw out the beloved pacifiers. After all, I wasn't going to make anyone else listen to her scream and refuse to sleep without it. So, Wednesday night was night one. She was so exhausted from school that day that she almost instantly went to sleep. The tough times came when she woke up. Typically she crawls all around her crib to find the pacifier to get her back to sleep. That night, it was no where to be found. She cried from 10:30-11:30 and then a couple of times in the middle of the night. Thursday nap time involved another 40 minute crying fest, 30 minutes of sleep, 15 minutes of tears, another 45 minutes of sleep. Not near enough of a nap. But, enough crying to block up her little tear ducts, leaving gooey eye boogers through the rest of the day. Thursday night, she slept better, only a short cry before passing slick out face first, bottom up in crib. And, the good news is she slept all night! PTL! Poor little puddin' was so sleepy all morning, though. She nearly racked out at lunch, barely keeping her eyes open as she ate her chicken and veggies. But, when she got to bed, she had a rough go of it....20 minutes of crying, about an hour of sleep and then another bout of crying. I finally broke down and went to get her, only to have her emotionally break down in my arms. After about 20 minutes of me rubbing her back and her little body shaking with sobs, she wore herself out and went back to sleep. Which brings us to right now. As I rubbed her little back, knowing she would instantly go to sleep if I just gave her a stinking pacifier, I was reminded that's not what is best. And, while I seem really mean in her little world by not giving her the thing she wants the most, I can see a bigger picture of straight teeth, self soothing, and peaceful sleep. And I was reminded of how often I want things that I think I can't live without...even throw crying screaming fits (on the inside if not on the outside), and wonder why God can't just throw me a bone and give me what I want. And I have remembered and been thankful that He sees such a bigger picture than I ever will, and he sometimes throws away my pacifiers because He knows that life without that thing will be ultimately better than life with it.
And, while that all sounds well and good...we probably still have a few days of crying for a pacifier ahead of us....
2 comments:
You are doing the right thing friend. We got rid of Keegan's around 2 1/2 years after the dentist told me that the pacee had already hurt his bone structure in his mouth! Oh well...nothing that braces can't fix. So, now I am in the same boat with Jack. I am wondering if I am going to wait until his molars come in first and then get rid of it. Hmmm....so tough getting rid of it this young. With Keegan, a fairy came and got his pacifier and he was "okay" with the idea. Keep us updated on how it goes. But guess who just turned 15 months...Jack.
This is a good post. Hang in there friend. We need to do lunch soon. Miss you!
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